If only everyone were as perfect as me (and with a little help they could be)...

Dear lady in the car behind me this morning,

When driving along a narrow road lined with parked cars, and coming across a skip lorry and a school bus trying to come the other way, it is not advisable to overtake the patient person letting them through (i.e. me) and blocking the road. They're considerably bigger and less maneuverable than you and you really have nothing to gain by getting in their way. Where exactly did you think they were going to go?

Just some friendly advice for the future...

Yours helpfully,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear sales assistant in Guildford PC World who tried to help me this morning,

It was my pleasure to show you a product on the internet that you didn't know you sell. You were probably a bit hungry or something, as it was nearly lunchtime, so I'll forgive you for telling me I didn't know what I was talking about (though you did it quite politely) and failing to apologise when I proved that I did.

Yours teeth-grindingly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear customers on neighbouring table in Frankie & Benny's at lunchtime today,

It was Bobby Vee singing 'Take Good Care of My Baby", and not The Eversley (sic) Brothers.

Yours helpfully (and admittedly slightly patronisingly),
Jo

-oOo-

Dear sales assistant in Weybridge PC World who tried to help me this afternoon,

Next time someone asks you the difference between two apparently similar, but considerably differently priced products, just reading numbers off the boxes isn't helpful. When asked the difference between a speed of 1600 and 2100, "This one is 500 faster than that one" is not a particularly informative answer.

Yours none-the-wiserly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear all sales assistants everywhere,

If you don't know something, please just admit it. Say you don't know and go and find someone who does. Honestly, trying to bluff your way through by reading what's printed on the box is not good customer service. Just so you know...

Yours surely-not-expecting-too-muchly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear chemist,

It's lucky I was only getting gloopy cream for my skin today when you gave me the wrong thing for my prescription, rather than important drugs or something. It's also lucky I noticed.

Yours luckily,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear car washing men in Tesco's car park,

No, I don't want my car cleaned, thank you.

Yours repetitively,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear person on the phone this afternoon,

Using the words 'government legislation' 4 times in your opening spiel does not fool me for one minute into thinking you're not just trying to sell me something.

Yours exasperatedly,
Jo