To shrove or not to shrove...

I wasn't going to bother. But now I'm sitting here, teaching myself how to play poker, thinking that a pancake will just hit the spot. But (shock horror!) I don't know how to make them, and Delia's only got a fancy recipe (who keeps buttermilk in their fridge, anyway?) in her How to Cook Book 1. Ha! So I will search the web, put some eggs, flour and milk into a pan (one way or another) and end up with the usual gloopy mess. Nothing like my mother used to make... Cover it in sugar and lemon juice, though, and it'll be great.

So, that will lead me on to my next post - what to give up for Lent? Hmm... I'll ponder that and be back to you once my tummy ache has gone.

Happy Shroving!

Pancake update: Well, those were the best pancakes I've ever made for myself. Thanks to Delia, after all (I used half this recipe). (Though I'm not going to give her all the credit, because she didn't actually come to my house and make them for me!) So, my top tips for why my pancakes were nice this time and they're usually not:-

• I used an organic free-range egg. There's nothing like a clear conscience to make your food taste better.
• I used just enough butter to cover the bottom of the pan and I was careful not to let it burn.
• After each pancake, I wiped the bottom of the pan to remove any left over butter, so that it didn't burn on the next pancake.
• I accepted the fact that, if you're making pancakes for yourself, they will mostly be cold by the time you get to eat them. However, cold homemade pancakes are by far preferable to warm-ish pre-packed pancakes that you can buy from the supermarket (which was our only option when we had our 'this is what Pancake Day is all about' afternoon diversion for an American colleague).
• Don't panic! I didn't have any lemon juice, so I improvised and used lemon curd instead. It was yummy!

In more detail, in case you're interested, this is how my pancakes piled up: 1st pancake on plate - light sprinkling of caster sugar; 2nd pancake on top of that - spread with lemon curd and a little bit of brown sugar; 3rd pancake - caster sugar again; 4th pancake - very light drizzle of golden syrup; 5th (last) pancake - caster sugar. There was probably still enough batter in the bowl for one more pancake, but I was very hungry and very pleased with myself and didn't want to push my luck.

Finally, the all-important toss. I thought I wouldn't, with my history. But by pancake three I was feeling rather smug, so I had a go. And I managed to toss the pancake right over and back to where it started. So I felt a bit sheepish and just turned it over with the palette-knife thingy I'd been using. But deep down, I was very proud!

Innocent Pleasures

Shredding
I have recently bought a shredder. It makes throwing away rubbish that bit more fun. It makes lots of noise and makes me feel like a bona fide crime fighter (because the Daily Mail tells me that identity theft is really bad, and I've seen Face/Off so I think they're probably right. However, they were wrong about chip and PIN day bringing retail chaos to our high streets - but I digress...). I don't know that my shredder would be incredibly effective at protecting my identity from a determined identithief armed with plenty of sticky tape - it was only a £7.99 Tesco Value shredder, after all - but I do know that I'm really looking forward to shredding my ten-year old bank statements when I clear out my filing cupboard. Which leads me neatly on to...

Stationery
I love stationery. Last week I discovered some new (to me) Bic ballpoint pens. They're just like normal Bic ballpoint pens, but they've got that rubbery, non-slip bit just where you hold them to write. They're called Cristal Grip. Ooh lovely. I bought 3 of them. They're great. And I love Post-It Notes that aren't yellow. I bought a pack of Post-It page markers in bright colours. They're great. I haven't used them yet, but when I do, it'll be great. And I've got a really nice set of highlighter pens. Eight different colours. Aah. And don't get me started on Filofax inserts!

Barry Manilow
I make no apology for it - singing and dancing along to Copacabana in the privacy of my own home is surely a victimless crime. Well, maybe my upstairs neighbours would disagree, but they've got a drum kit, so my conscience is clear.

Candlelight
Sitting quietly, TV off, son tucked up in bed, strategically-placed candles (including Muji jasmine tea-scented candle), lovely cup of tea, Classic FM Relaxing Classics CD compilation playing (I'm no connoisseur!), not thinking about anything but the moment...

Getting totally absorbed in a film
Most recently Brokeback Mountain. Others include (in no particular order...): American Beauty; Memento; Donnie Darko; Moulin Rouge; Pulp Fiction.

This List

(See my previous post for background to this out-of-character poem post...)

This list will change my life.
I don't know why I didn't think of it before.
I will write it down in longhand, with a pen.
It will change my life, I'm sure.

This list will change my life.
It will revolutionise the way I see myself and others.
With this list by my side, day and night,
I will be the best of women, the best of mothers.

This list will change my life.
It will give me clarity and vision. It will open my eyes
To everything that is broken, unwanted and useless.
From the chaos of my life, order will rise.

This list will change my life.
It will tell me what I need to know on one sheet of A4.
The revelations on the page will be astounding.
I will live as I have never lived before.

This list will change my life.
Not like the last one, or the one before that, and so on.
I know now where I've been going wrong all this time:
My other lists gave me nothing to go on.

But, this list will change my life.
It won't be mundane and only deal with tomorrow, or next week.
It will be a list of all the possibilities in the world.
The things I've never thought of before, opportunities I was too afraid to seek.

This list will change my life.
At least, when I get the chance to sit down and compile it.
But first I must empty the dishwasher, buy bin bags and potatoes,
Polish shoes, phone the plumber, pay the phone bill and file it.

Poetic Licence

A funny thing happened... But first some background...

A couple of things you should know about me: I genuinely believe in the power of positive thinking (but I don't do it); I believe that you have the power to change whatever you want to change about yourself (but I don't do it); I believe that if you want something enough, you can go out there and make it happen (but I don't do it). I've long ago accepted all this about myself, and made excuses for myself that I don't really know what it is I want, and I mustn't want it badly enough or I'd have gone out there and got it. Whatever it is - that elusive something that is missing.

Now, I've recently come to the realisation that there isn't something missing - there isn't a big hole where something should be. This is it. Right now, this is what I've got. And it's not bad. Sure, my job's a bit crummy at the moment and my house is always a mess and I need to lose some weight. But waiting around for my 'epiphany' before I do anything about that stuff is just the biggest ever procrastination. So, if I stop looking for the elusive 'something', I'll probably find it while I'm busy sorting out the here and now. I will make something better of my job, or find a new one. I will tidy my house, or stop thinking about it as such a big deal. I will lose weight, or stop worrying so much about it. There's a probably a perfect quotation that sums this up. Probably from John Lennon. Probably about life being something that happens while you're making other plans. But I'm not very good at quotations...

Anyhoo, in an effort to tidy my house in a permanent-ish sort of way, I'm gradually decluttering. I have unearthed numerous notebooks with lists and systems so that I can get organised and become fulfilled. When I went to bed the other night, I noticed yet another such notebook beside my bed. It contained list after list of things I was going to change/buy/learn/do to improve and enrich my life. It made me smile at myself. But it also made me do something else. It made me write a poem! Now, I aspire to understand poetry. I try - I really do. But I've just never got it. Then, on Monday night, I wrote a poem. And last night, when I went to bed, I wrote another one. Just to express a feeling that didn't need to be expressed to anyone but myself. And there it is, written down. I never thought I'd see the day...

I may well share my first poem with you, just because it's there. Nothing deep or profound about it (and I may have been subliminally affected by hearing Pam Ayres on the radio the other day), but to put it 'out there' stops it being just another thing written in just another notebook. Maybe I'll post it in a minute, if I'm feeling brave...

Powerpoint - we've no power, so what's the point?

Chux's generous comments on my 'management speak' blog have inspired me to write a quick update.

My employers are going through a period of resource re-alignment, so we are challenging all our deliverables and our processes. Not a fun time! But to relieve the tension, I am proud to report that I used the phrase 'float your boat' in a meeting this week, and actually made one of my colleagues snort his coffee out his nose. I was sitting next to my boss at the time and she even chuckled, so there's hope for us all. And, I made up the phrase 'one-touch process' (I'm pretty sure it already exists, but not in my world...) and used it in the same meeting - and had it quoted back to me 2 days later. It's this kind of thing that makes it all worthwhile.

No doubt I'll be appearing in a Dilbert cartoon any day now, but as long as I know I'm doing it on purpose, it's OK!