iHeart iTunes

You know, most days I am happy to set my whole iTunes playlist to 'random' and listen away contentedly all day long. I very rarely skip a song. There's not a lot on my everyday playlist that I dislike after couple of years fine iTuning. Of course, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for Nick Cave - he can be a bit grumpy now and again, after all - but by and large I've got a good enough mix to keep me entertained.

If I listen to my whole library, on the other hand, it's a different story. I have over 1,000 tracks, but you can guarantee that, out of all the fabulous songs on Stevie Wonder's Definitive Collection, the little man inside my PC who picks the random tracks will choose to play 'I Just Called To Say I Love You' or 'Ebony and Ivory' every time.

All this randomising means, however, that I don't really know any of the albums I've bought. I sometimes listen to them from beginning to end, but not often. I don't know the names of any of the songs, even if I like them.

I haven't put all my CDs on iTunes yet, so a lot of my old favourites aren't there, but I treat myself to a monthly download (ooer, missus!) and I'm building up quite a collection. What I heart most about iTunes is that you can just download a single track. It means that I've got a bunch of songs I adore, that I'm never likely to own on CD. When I hear a song on the radio, or featured in a film, I just make a note and go and download it when I'm next online (Love is in the Air from Strictly Ballroom; Windmills of Your Mind from something else - The Thomas Crowne Affair, perhaps?).

Today I felt like only listening to songs I really, really like. Songs that make me smile, and that I'd sing along to if I wasn't in the office (or if I don't think anyone's listening, which is always dangerous when you're wearing headphones...). What I realised was that I couldn't pick out individual songs from albums I've bought fairly recently - I know I really like most of the Kaiser Chiefs' album, but I couldn't pick my absolute favourite song because I don't know what it's called. I ended up with a playlist of the kind of music I was brought up with - Glen Campbell and The Carpenters and Neil Diamond and suchlike. Nothing wrong with that - oh no!

What's interesting is that I don't have any music from my teenage years. No Spandau Ballet (or Duran Duran for that matter). Back then it was the most important thing in the world to know all the words to every song, and you wouldn't be caught dead listening to anything else. Now, the closest I've got is a solitary Style Council track.

Hmm... well, that's quite enough music musing for one evening, so I'll leave you with this: I've given away most of my guilty music secrets (did I hear someone say 'Barry Manilow'?) that would score lukewarm on the coolometer - what are yours? Don't worry - I won't tell a soul...

Normal service resumed

Emotional crisis over. That didn't take long, did it?

So, the scariest thing about your possibly bestest friend, 'not having to turn up to social events alone' partner and cinema-going chum finding out that you may possibly have feelings that are deeper than just friendship [breathe] is that you might just have lost something very important indeed.

That's what upset me the most. It wasn't finding out that he didn't feel the same way (which didn't entirely surprise me), but that he didn't reply to the 'breaking the ice' e-mail I sent after the situation came to light. The fear that things would never be the same again was what drove me to my bed and to seek solace from the gay cowboy love story.

But today I got the reply, and it was just fine and everything is just fine - except for the fact that Hotmail seems to think my plea from the heart to put this behind us and maybe be a bit more honest with each other in future should go in the 'junk mail' folder! Pah!

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts during this self-indulgent time.

End of badly-written post...

P.S. Other things that cheered me up today were: a visit from a colleague's nearly 1-year old little girl with the dirtiest laugh you've ever heard; hot chocolate; going to the doctors and not being told off for anything; changing my desktop picture to this...

Wallowing...

Today I took to my bed. And thanks to a laptop PC with a DVD player and wireless broadband, I hardly needed to get up at all! Hey, I even ordered pizza over the internet!!

I deleted my last post, because I'm sulking and sad. If you didn't read it, I'll leave you to wonder. If you did read it, you can wonder too.

I watched Crash and Brokeback Mountain. They are both fantastic films. Absorbing and profound and excellent for when you need a good cry. Which I do.

I've checked my e-mail every couple of minutes, which I guess is the current equivalent of waiting by the phone. And, in between, I've done a lot of Sudoku.

Oh, and I've eaten chocolate.

Before you call the social services, I should add that I have got up now and again to check on Thomas, but he's doing as good a job as I am of being a teenager and spends most of his time in his room playing computer games and watching TV. I did get creative and make tuna melt wraps for lunch, which is pretty nutritious - oily fish and dairy - so I'm not doing too badly.

Tomorrow I'll snap out of it, but for now I'm off to watch the results of the Eurovision Song Contest - that'll round off my miserable day perfectly!

Multi-tasking one thing at a time

I have been somewhat neglectful of blogging of late. Not only writing, but reading too. So, sorry about that. But in the world of me, where nothing much happens, anything happening distracts me from everything else. That's just how it is. I am grateful for my mundane life that's mostly quiet, because I just can't cope with too many things at once!

So, I have my lovely new job. And it's a bit difficult because there are so many things to learn. But tomorrow marks the launch of the first downloadable game that I've actually had a hand in. Hurrah!

And, to counteract the lots of thinking required in work time, I have started some new knitting that is perfect for not much thinking about not very much in non-work time. Last night I found myself knitting whilst listening to nearly classical music, instead of watching mind-numbing TV. I can't knit and watch TV at the same time, y'see, so I'm leading this alternative lifestyle that I've previously only read about in, er, lifestyle, erm, things. The good news is that the knitting involves a fair isle pattern and a bunch of increasing and decreasing and counting and stuff, so I'm at least exercising some bits of my brain in the process.

My only other bit of regular entertainment these past couple of weeks, as I'm currently between good books, is a Sudoku puzzle when I go to bed. I started doing Sudoku (does it need a capital 's'?) when they were first all the rage, but I found myself becoming obsessed and actually dreaming about them. So I stopped - went cold turkey. I now allow myself just the 'difficult' one in the paper. Unless it's not difficult enough, then I'll do the slightly less difficult one too, just so I feel I've got value for money. Though last night I did three of them. Hmm... I think I'd better be careful. If I dream about Carol Vorderman tonight, I'll be giving them up for good!

There's one more thing I have to tell you before I go. Some people who may read this will appreciate it for its incredibleness. Ready? I have made my bed every day for the past six weeks! Every day! Without fail! Now, I've never seen much wrong with an unmade bed - you just mess it up again, right? Especially when you're not home all day - no-one sees it, so who cares? Well, I'm converted. Made bed = tidy bedroom = calm and relaxed me. The fact that it's taken nearly 37 years to come to that conclusion is a bit scary, but I'm getting there. Just don't rush me...!

Ant-idote to contentment

I am writing this on a beautiful Saturday morning, sitting in bed (hurrah for wireless broadband!), contemplating the day ahead. All's right with the world. I'm up early - a rare thing for me on a weekend. I have put on the yucky cream to ease the eczema that's the bane of my life at the moment. I've eaten an Activia yoghurt to ward off that pesky digestive discomfort. I've made a lovely cup of tea, fired up the laptop and opened iTunes. And, quite unashamedly, I'm listening to Mmm Bop by Hanson - I don't care what you might think, it makes me feel summery and smiley, so there! What's more, today I have plans. I have to get a bit of housework done this morning, but it won't take long and I'll be able to enjoy a guilt-free weekend. I'll be playing some TopGolf this morning, and visiting a friend this afternoon who lives on a boat moored on an island in the Thames near Hampton Court. Hopefully, the weather will hold all day.


See how blissful and heavenly things are in the world of me? Well, there's a fly in the ointment. Or rather, an ant. Make that lots of ants. They're driving me crazy! I have no idea where they're coming in. They only appear in the living room, and there seems to be absolutely nowhere that they can get in. But there they are. Usually ants travel in neat lines and lead you directly to where they come from/go to, but not these cunning buggers. Oh no. They're the first ever random ants with no plan or schedule. They just wander aimlessly about my living room, no doubt laughing and holding up two teeny tiny fingers at me while I pull out the furniture and get down on my hands and knees searching for any sign of an ant front door with a little ant Welcome mat. Any ideas? Anyone?

Give me a break

Big Brother has announced that they will be hiding tickets, Willy Wonka-style, in Kit Kats, the finder winning entry into the Big Brother house. I don't know about you, but that would just stop me buying Kit Kats...